Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Day 109: StretchX + Final Week Review

"I'm the leader, I can do what I want" -Tony Horton- Unknown (probably ab ripperX)

1.Thursday - P90X Diet
2.Friday - P90X Exercises (Cardio)
3.Monday - P90X Exercises (Weight)
4.Tuesday - P90X Dedication
5.Wednesday - Tony Horton
6.Thursday - Results
7.Friday - Final thoughts (last day)

I hate him, but I love him...

The review I have been waiting 109 days for: TONY HORTON

Welcome to the all out review and quote bank of the P90X instructor, Anthony Sawyer Horton Jr; the leader, the guide, and the face of P90X.

For starters, here's a little background information on Tony from wikipedia:
Born in Rhode Island, 1958 (making him 52 years old)
Moved to L.A. to become an actor
He started training stars in Gold's Gym
1998 Jon Cogdon and Carl Daikler formed beachbody company and had Tony star in Power90

So what gives? Does he do a good job? Without being too harsh, yes, he does the job. Tony sends the message through the TV and it's easy to follow. Does he ramble and talking nonsensical gibberish? Absolutely. But as far as being a reasonable fitness instructor I give him a 8/10. The only two points he's missing are -1 for not being eye-candy (like Chalean Extreme), and -1 for being a douche.

Okay, why do I think Tony is a scum-bag? Well for starters he's incredibly self centered, at least from what I can tell from the videos. Always talking about how many he can do or out-doing the kids in reps. Also, when Phil has a funnier line, Tony just gets flustered for the rest of the video because he didn't come up with such a whimsical thing to say. It's the little things. Doing 19 wide grip chinups when Erik did 18 just because he can't let anyone be better than him.

I also think there is something going on between him and Dreya Webber, even though I know Dreya is married to Ned Farr (Tony actually even says that in a video). But he says things like "Top's coming off!" and "Aerialist, gymnast, dancer, fitness extraordinaire, she's gorgeous. She's my buddy too" and just generally all the special attention she gets in the videos. If I were Dreya Webber, I'd be spending some time in the Beachbody HR department filing some complaints.

Over-acting? Absolutely. Do you think it has anything to do with being a failed actor but manged to star on infomercials? Perhaps. All I know is that he reminds me a lot of a commercials-actor that has advanced onto Hallmark movies but still retain that core idea of flashing pepsi-labels and saying "Ahhhhh" when he's finished. Maybe it's just me...Anyone have a sudden craving for a recovery drink?

He likes to comment on his age (at the time was 46 going on 47). But what he fails to mention is that those numbers accurately represent his IQ. He might know his fitness, but some of the random stuff he says makes me wonder if he paid attention in high school.

In general he just rubs me as a typical high school jock that's very pushy and always gets his way. But hate him all you want, he has been getting me into shape, so I need to give him some homage (in quote form).

I put together a quote bank...I thought it'd be silly not to provide that lovely little package for all of you:

Fiffer scissors, flex your feet and straighten your legs.
Time for crunchy frog, EVERYBODY gets their hands off the floor!
They're working hard I know you are
It's almost over, makes me sad
Halfway done, party's almost over what a bummer
This isn't Abripper 100 or 200, this is Abripper 339!
That's the face of a girl who's working hard!
Get em' up. This is AB RIPPER EX!
Tip of the day, don't do this everyday
Imagine you gotta do 100 of em, 25 doesn't sound so bad.
AbripperX, I hate it, but I love it

Back and Biceps:
'Semper Fi'... I'm not going to say it, I was never a Marine.
You don't have to write anything down for that one, just showin' up does the trick!
I almost blew out my esophagus!
You wanna see gorgeous, not this, my back!

Chest and Back:
haha...I love okra!
Scotty Fifer on the bands, he's the one man band-man.
German Potato Soup
Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was your body!
Look out dude, I'm coming with my bars!

Stirring up trouble
Slow-mo-throw, here we go!
... NO!? He's a machine! They call him La Maquina!...that's Spanish...

I love love love core until my daddy takes my T-bird away.

...otherwise get your knees up. Get your friggen' pants up!
This ain't no spray on... we do actual DNA removal!
Frog or Frag, depending on which part of the country you're from
I got shot in the buttocks, they say it's a milliondollar wound, but I haven't seen a dime
Wessly only bleeds on the inside
Cuz he's Mr. Flex-and-Breathe

Legs and Back:
Give me a 'Hey!', Give me a 'HoHo'
No Heels! I'll come to your house if your heels hit the deck!
I'm all rev'd up. I'm drooling for God's sake!
If you start to get squirrelly, come out of it.
He's from Belgium, that's what they do up there, it's cold all the time
Sounds like a bird in here.
Man lives on a boat... I don't get that.
Where do you feel that!? ... EVERYWHERE! *Dreya responds* "BOOTY!"
Man, I think I just ripped my pants...nope, I'm okay.
It's balistic, it's static, its Stablatic! I'm making up stuff!
Have you guys seen the world famous Karen potstirrers?
Women do what you feel, men do what you feel...I duhno there's a line there
Focus on my dinky calfs
I'd do this all day with you if I could, but I gotta check on the kids
That's strength, that's flexibility, it's the whole friggen' 9-yards.
The man's pure grissle from head to toe
Invented, well not invented, introduced to me by DRRRREY-YAAH
This is P-90-X, it ain't some silly little class...
Look at the teeth, WHYY? She's studying to be a dentist. Look at those teeth, unbelievable, off the charts, like chicklets going across...beautiful!

Did you see what Erik just said? He said he'll do his best.
Give me the double-double... doot-doot
...I don't wanna hear no excuses from any o'you!
Listen to me breathe...Vrrrrrp...Vurp...VVURRRPPPP
Hamburger bad, fries bad, coca-cola bad. There you go, I said it, drink your water people!
Pam, we call her BLAM!
Leap over the river, and through the woods, to grandmother's house, we go...
That's a short uncle
Jump over the guy you just beat up
You can do anything for 30 seconds!
Cat's gonna be puurdy
If you get tired during the lunge sequence, you're gonna run outa gas in this workout
Get sexy with it...VRRRMMMM
Get your little bucket near by, this is the 'X' in P90X.

Hey nice shirt man, you're wearing my shirt... guy stole my shirt
Tip of the day: Don't smash your face
Let the weight of your head do all the work. Mine weighs like 600lbs... and there ain't a damn thing in it.
I got one word for you WOW!" and what's wow upsidedown? "MOM!"
Like a pterodactyl backing out of trouble...CACAW

Slap it, slap it, make it feel good!

Get down into that Warrior2 Mr. Haas, this is YOGAX Ma-Brotha
Let's get BIZZ-EEE-YUR
You should feel this in your shoulders and biceps... I know I do
If you don't have a yoga block you can use a cat or dog.
This isnt a crazy cult or religion...its just Ohms.
Do your vin-ya-sa!!
She makes gumby look like the Tin-Man
ooooo...that's cushier!
Shauna freak of nature, beautiful thing
I suggest foot spray
Lift the left tail...err...heel
Add the toe, or not... add the toe, or not…
Last vinyasa of the day!


  1. Haha nicely put! Yea Tony can get to your nerves after you hear him for 109 days (for me will be almost 180 days???)..but good thing is, I can always tune him out and his chatters become white noise to me.

  2. Thats awesome - me as a German I do not pay too much attention to the "little" talk he puts out there. Try to understand the basic thats ok for me. I may have to copy some of these - just because I am German :-)
    Great job - just one more thing:
    You should ONLY post Day1 and Day 90 together so we can see the real results since your pictures dont blow up... THX